5 Surprising Things from Traveling to Spain with My Son

I’ve always dreamed of taking solo trips with each of my two kids. Last year my college-age daughter and I trekked across the Arctic to see the Northern Lights and this year, my 14-year-old son, who has been studying Spanish and who is a big foodie, asked for a Spring Break trip to Spain. And so… we figured out how to make that happen. Just the two of us.

Traveling fills my soul and checks a major box in teaching life skills. I want my kids to know how to navigate airports and foreign countries with confidence. I want to develop their street smarts by teaching them tricks on how to avoid pickpockets and to find the best hidden restaurants. I want them to develop an appreciation for other cultures. And I want them to have real-time practice solving problems and observing the world, not just being in it. The only way to teach them is to show them. 

But aside from those lessons, I wanted to bond with this sweet, private, funny boy. I wanted to offer him my attention and sense of adventure. I wanted us to make an epic memory.

Here are 5 surprising things that came out of those 10 days we spent together. 

1. Planning the trip was almost as much fun as taking it.

For months before we went, we researched each city, the sights, the secrets, the restaurants and markets, the shopping, culture and hotels. We kept detailed lists and links in shared notes on our phones. We scoured the internet, made plans, booked tickets and trains and realized that the adventure of this trip started way before we ever had to show our passports.

2. We made the same choices

I have never spent so much time solo with my son. And we just got into a rhythm that was great. He learned so much about the planning of a day. When to schedule and when to be spontaneous. When to push through and when to rest. When to splurge and when to save. When to walk and when to Uber. It was fun to get into our flow. We talked a lot about FOMO - the fear of missing out - with the choices we made - and the choices we missed out on.

3. He didn’t complain as much as I thought he might.

He went to museums! Looked at cathedrals! Walked many parks. Had almost no screen time. I never would have known that my video game-loving teen boy would have been so amenable to my interests. And he was! Of course, I too went to many a soccer store, a soccer game, saw soccer player owned hotels and tons of displayed trophies. It was a give and take. But in Seville, he went from one Moorish palace to the next, spending the day looking at tile, and he never complained. We walked 15,000 steps daily. I think he liked it! Amazing.

4. We had a hard moment - and it was worth it.

Well actually, he did complain once. And by “complain” I mean there was an epic-level amount of upset. There was yelling. And crying. So much frustration. And more yelling. And then I lost my cool too after holding it together. I thought at one point we might get kicked out of the hotel we had just checked into. It was embarrassing and a little scary for us both. It was partly from being overly fatigued. And partly from hitting a breaking point of patience with me and my need to photograph everything but he was… done. We both said things we weren’t proud of. Things got really heated and I suggested we spend some time apart to cool down. And so we did. I called my husband in LA to help soothe our son. And I gave it time and self-coached myself so hard. Then practiced the art of the repair (even though the little kid in me whined that I always had to be the bigger person. Um, hello? I AM the parent here!)  “Hey” I texted, “let me know when you are ready for me to come back in. I love you.” Y’all. I was so proud of that. “Hey” he replied, “ I never wanted you to leave. I love you too.” And I was so proud of HIM for that too. We were able to take it from there.

5. I got to know my kid differently. And I loved it.  

It’s wild to grow and raise a human. At 14, my little guy is still part boy, part teen, and also part man. He made dinner reservations at fancy restaurants in Spanish (PS I couldn’t even figure out how to make an international call from my phone). He navigated us around towns and cities, found hidden gems, and researched “best of” on YouTube - I realize he is ready for the world! And then…boy.  He’d ask for snuggles. Or have a “sudden burst of silliness” once the elevator doors closed. We had never had the experience of having this kind of uninterrupted time together - no work, no school, no set schedule, no other family members. Just …us, for 10 days straight 24/7. We played guessing games when we ran out of conversation, got competitive with Wordle and Connections, lingered to read plaques on statues, sat in parks and listened to the birds, strolled food markets, ate and ate and ate. And it was just a spectacular use of time and money to get that moment in our lives together. 

I’m so grateful to have made this memory with him. For the rest of our lives, we’ll always have this trip to Spain. I hope to take many more trips in the future. Something strong was cemented in our relationship. I’m often asked, now that my kids are older, how to raise kids that remain close. And I think about how it would have been cheaper and easier NOT to have done this - but our kids stay close when we show up for them.