5 Steps to Managing Anxiety When Things Feel Chaotic

Anxiety is a forward-facing emotion. It is centered on the “what if” instead of the “what is.” If we were focused more on “what is” we would feel more peace. But given the current state of the world and how much of it we are shown images and stories, feeling anxious is founded. Our brains were never designed to receive this much information. 

We wouldn’t feel anxious if we didn’t care, so take it as a sign that you are invested and caring. All uncertainty has a way of making us nervous. Our brains don’t like what we perceive to be lurking danger. Your brain’s response makes sense. We just have to sort productive anxiety (the kind that lights a fire for action) from ruminating or spiraling. 

Here are five tips, if you’re feeling particularly anxious, that can help you manage your stress. I often teach these tips in times of great uncertainty. I hope they are helpful to you.

1. Recognize and process what you’re feeling 

Feelings are vibrations in our bodies - they are messages we are meant to pay attention to. And yet - we will do ANYTHING to avoid the discomfort of them. We’ll over eat, scroll, drink, shop, over work, buffer and distract from the pain of an uncomfortable vibration.  

What to do: Tune in. Notice. Are the vibrations heavy? Dark? Tight? Describe them - don’t look away. Pull up a chair to this feeling, like a friend in pain. By doing this, you are practicing emotional literacy, an important form of self-awareness. See if you can name the feeling. Is it anxiety? Fear? Abandonment? Helplessness? Naming it tames it. You don’t have to dwell, just acknowledge, experience and understand.

2. Protect your heart (and your head)

We just aren't built for the amount of information that can come at us nonstop thanks to technology. On average, people scroll the height of the Statue of Liberty every day in Instagram images. That’s a lot for our brains to process and enough to knock us into dysregulation.

What to do: Choose to protect what information and images you consume. Sometimes we need to unplug, partially or fully, in order to show up and function. See where the balance lies in “being informed” while also protecting your mental health. If you’re feeling stuck, you’re likely in “freeze” mode and can practice breathing (use an app for guidance), movement (like a walk in nature, or dancing), singing (releases feel good hormones), or other somatic practices.

3. Connect, Meaningfully

We are living in a divided, chaotic and disconnected time. Loneliness is felt by more people than ever, even those living with their partners and families. As social beings, it is biologically crucial that we connect to each other in meaningful ways. We need to feel a sense of belonging, and that we matter to others.

What to do: Reach out. Put your phones down and ask questions like “what are you looking forward to these days?” or “what have you learned recently?” or just “how are you doing?” Get together with friends, without screens. Engage in conversation about things that matter to you (try not to only talk about current events). Host a potluck. Organize a football game in the yard or pickleball game on the court. Find ways to feel good among good company. I host a karaoke night several times a year. Connecting is crucial. And PS: it's always a good idea to text someone you love just to say “thinking of you and sending my love.” The world needs more love right now and less division.

4. Self-Care a Little Extra

When we are focused on the care of others (especially as women who are socially conditioned to do), we de-prioritize taking care of ourselves. Here’s your reminder to focus on your wellbeing.

What to do: Nap. Hydrate. Meditate. Breathe. Move. Boundary. Get in nature. Cry. Let go of perfection. Whatever your body and mind are needing, lean into that. Be your best advocate for your wellness.

5. Take Action

Remember, anxiety comes from the ‘what if’ (forward thinking) which can create a strong sense of helplessness and overwhelm. You may feel like you have no control but remind yourself what you can control: your thoughts, feelings and actions. Taking more action - however small - feels amazing and empowering.

What to do: If you are able, do something. Volunteer. Get involved. Show support. Donate. Do one meaningful action. One of the best ways to stop feeling helpless is by doing something helpful.

We cannot control what happens in the world. But we can control how we think about it. We can control our own actions and responses. We can decide how we show up. 

For me, I’ve decided to believe that there are millions of good people working hard in this country and around the world to make good things happen. I contribute by being a helper, by being a good parent, partner and daughter, and I contribute by living the values that shape me: kindness, integrity, learning.  I also regularly remind myself that hope is always available for me to believe.